The first step to achieving compersion is to work on unlearning jealousy-letting go of feelings of insecurity, possessiveness, and fear.” While compersion may not be crucial to a functional open relationship, she argues that it is “bound to enhance your relationship.” She devotes an entire chapter to the idea of compersion as the flip side of jealousy: “compersion is taking joy in your partner’s pleasure or happiness with another partner.” Taormino notes, “Jealousy is a learned behavior. She addresses issues of possessiveness, control, and jealousy-widely associated with monogamy-emphasizing the importance of relinquishing and overcoming these for non-monogamous relationships to succeed. Taormino emphasizes that open relationships only work when these significant elements are present: self-awareness and self-discovery, mutual consent, good communication skills, clear boundaries, honesty, trust, fidelity, and commitment. All of these styles of non-monogamy share the basic premise that “one partner cannot meet all their needs and they may want to have sex or a relationship with someone other than their current partner.” Instead of hiding it, they “bring this fact out into the open.” She discusses the myths surrounding monogamy (myths I understand only too well), the pros and cons of open relationships, and the range of such connections from partnered non-monogamy to swinging, to polyamory, and polyfidelity. Taormino covers all genders in all combinations with many examples. Her book provides a wealth of helpful background on the full range of non-monogamous relationships, and is at once both informative and inspiring. I’ve discovered Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.

I don’t wish to remarry, but I definitely do want sexual intimacy and joyful connections with women. My wife died recently, and suddenly I found myself a widower embarked on a voyage of self-discovery while adrift in a tumultuous sea of relationships. I’m a heterosexual man in my early 70s who’s spent my entire adult life in two monogamous marriages.

Opening up taormino